Dear President Trump,

Taiwan is a fantastic country, just great. We have no Mexicans here, zero. We checked.

Also, we have:

  • A wall made of water on four sides. Some people call this being an island. But we just say Great Waterwall.
  • A girl president with working girl parts. She is hot, at least an “8.5”
  • Many many impressive crowds, great crowds, bigly.
  • The best Spring Break outside of Cabo San Lucas, which is in Mexico. Totally Lame. Ours is great.
  • Health insurance. It’s true, we all have it. It’s great. We can go to the doctor when we’re sick. It’s great.
  • Richiness. That’s right. We are the richest. We burn money in the street for fun. It’s true. Everyone knows this.
  • A very large tower that looks like a penis wearing a huge ribbed condom, because safety.
  • We are not Thailand even though we share a common syllable. They spell it wrong. Sad.

We hope we can be your No.2. We will do greatlyist!

Thanks in advance, Your Holiness.

Yours truly,

Taiwan AKA ROC

P.S. Please don’t sell us to China